Hitting hurdles

This morning I was supposed to have an appointment to get my hair done. I needed to get my hair done because I have an interview today for a temp job.

I missed my hair appointment because I didn't sleep again last night. It was like a very very long nightmare. I just dozed for 10 minutes and then woke for an hour or so all night long. When the alarm went off at 7.30 I felt dreadful.

Managed to grab a few zzzs this morning and now it's 11am. My interview is at 1.30pm and I'm fighting with myself about whether I attend.

Reasons not to go:
I feel like shit
I look like shit
If I go and I get it I'm not sure if I can take it (this is complicated)
If I get it and don't take it will it look bad to the temp agency who I may later need it may be better to withdraw
I'm very anxious
I want to go back to bed
The job is in the evenings - it will interfere with slimming world
It doesn't pay much and I'll probably lose half in tax

Reasons to go:
It will be good experience
I may need the job
If I back out I will look bad to the temp agency
The job is in the evenings so I will have time to prepare
The job is part time which is part of my plan to get better

This is difficult. I think I should go but my body is resisting. I'm twitchy and grumpy and causing chaos in my head. I must go! For no other reason than I don't want to! Man I am twisted.

Right. Coffee, fag, shower and reassess.

Update: 13.15 I'm sitting in reception waiting for my interview. I ate some surprisingly yummy yoghurt and berries for breakfast and that cheered me up a lot. Then I smoked a million cigarettes. Then I got my ass in gear and here I am. Yay me!! Hopefully it won't be too taxing, but even if it is - I'm here! !! I rule all

Update: 14.15. All over :D and I actually rather enjoyed it! There was an unexpected roleplay portion which I hate but I think I did ok. Then a very brief interview with two lovely ladies. Ahh. I rocked it and I feel BRILLIANT! If I hadn't gone I would have sat here feeling down and guilty. Now I feel positive and confident and pleased with myself. This is why I'm blogging. Recording and challenging my own shitty feelings so that I can look back at what helps and hinders. You are my conscience. Even though I'm sure no-one else is reading I feel an obligation to the blog title :)