Anxiety

I have to speak to work today. My sick note runs to 3 May but I have decided not to go back. 4 hours a day commuting to London (yep that's not a typo) to work a full day in a stressful and often upsetting job is not going to help me get better.

I tried a phased return but even to work half a day meant a huge effort and cost and I flaked after a week.

So I have to commit to my decision and I'm extremely nervous about it. Obviously I'm supposed to give a month notice but that would be a month of sick notes and I feel that I am ready to do 'something' maybe a few hours temping.  If I ask my contract to be terminated immediately that is risky because I may not find work but I have to try. Sitting around is terrible for the soul.

My heart is racing, my hands are sweating I feel sick and dizzy just thinking about this conversation but it has to happen. I think. Oh god what am I doing?

Moving on. That's what I'm trying to do.I shall take my beta blockers and some calming breaths. Nothing is going to hurt me. Just put one word in front of the other. Will let you know how it goes.

Update: well. Just spoke to my boss who is the loveliest man ever. I told him I want to leave and whilst understanding he sounds genuinely gutted. He has done everything he can to help me and try to make it easier on me to go back. He is going to speak to HR and find out what happens re notice. So all that is left for me is to write my official resignation and see what happens with pay.

Feel a bit better now :)