Here we go again

I decided to blog today off the cuff about my anger, frustration and optimism surrounding depression.

Here's the what. I was first diagnosed in 2002 and since then I have had several periods of moderate to severe depression.  I initially tried fluoxetine (prozac) but didn't like it. I later tried citalopram and have been taking it on and off for 8 years. I have seen 3 counsellors, a wellbeing practitioner, a CPN and several GPs.

I have been up and down. I have been unable to move, think, eat, sleep, live or die. I have been so anxious that I didn't leave the house for a month. But I have been well enough that I was on a tv gameshow, walked the Great Wall of China and raised £5000 for charity.

Me now: In December 2012 I realised I was depressed when visiting my folks over Christmas I suddenly couldn't stop crying. I was overwhelmed with feelings of sadness, loss and exhaustion.  I realise now that I had been stressing my system for 6 months and ignoring anxiety symptoms. Since then I slid down into the black hole (as I call it) and I have been crawling out for 3 months. This has been the worst period of major depression I have experienced and I'm not taking it any more.

I am trying to change my life. To change the fundamentals which make be susceptible to the grip of depression. I'm trying new meds, I'm reading self help (which I have previously shunned), I'm meditating,  having CBT, trying to lose weight and eat right, learn about depression and it's causes, getting some excercise, and change my work-life balance.

This blog is for me. But if it helps anyone else that would be another reason to be happy :)