Week End

I worked three days this week.  Starting to settle into my new workplace, although the job itself is still a bit of a mystery I know I will pick it up soon. I just hope it is fast enough that I can be useful when things start to get crazy.

In 6 weeks the graduation ceremonies begin and it will be a crazy week of long days.  I expect the couple of weeks before that will also be very intense. But this is all very familiar to me from my days in theatre. It's like staging a huge production and the meetings we have are very much like production meetings - I think I will enjoy that.

I had induction things booked in for today and was fully prepared to go in and do them but was told firmly to take my day off - so here I am! Exhausted if truth be told, I slept until lunchtime.  Now it's already 3.30pm and I've only done a couple of things on my list.

Tomorrow I have a busy day: eye test at 9.20 - hoping I can sort some new specs before we go on holiday. Then hair dresser at 11.30 and hoping to get my eyebrows done in between those. Then Sunday I will drag mr to do a big food shop and then it's only one week til I'm off to sunny Corfu! Agh cannot wait for the sunshine, swimming and cocktails :)

Oh and I forgot to blog my most recent weigh in - this week I lost 2lb which means 8 in total and I got my 1/2 stone certificate!! A good week all in all.

Sleepy girl

26 May

I don't know why I'm so sleepy?! I went to bed around midnight and slept straight through to 12.30 this after noon. It does not feel good.

Beautiful bank holiday weekend and we are spending it indoors as mr is not well (got the lurgy I had last week) :(

I start my new job in two days - I'm quite excited and a little nervous. I know I can handle this though.  My focus this year is on my health, fitness and weight.  Not career. All I want is to pay the bills and start living my life!

Lazy day

Didn't want to do anything today but got dressed anyway and went to the shop. Really hungry today - feel liable to submit to temptation!  Diet wise I mean.

Just fed up with fruit, salad and yoghurt :(

And I twatted my wing mirror today and totally destroyed it! Smashed the mirror and the housing - wtf?! As well as discovering that my petrol flap lever doesn't work anymore so now I have to open the boot to get fuel in. Fucking car! I just spent £230 on you! !

Weigh in #4 and running

Weigh in on Tuesday was initially disappointing because I really felt skinnier!  My tummy felt flatter, my jeans were loose I was expecting 2lb off and hoping for 3. Alas no - another 1lb drop. Still these pounds will come off even if it has to be one by one. I've now lost 6lb and next week I WILL get my half stone award.

I that vein I have been watching The Biggest Loser compulsively and it inspired me to get back on the treadmill today and see what I could do. I decided not to stick to my usual intervals and try 5k instead just to get a benchmark time.

I started out running 2 walking 2 but after 30 minutes I ran out of steam so was running 1 walking 3. At 2 miles (3.1k) I thought I wasn't going to make it and decided to quit at 2.5 miles. Then I realised that I couldn't give up. Even if I had to walk the rest of the way I had to complete it. And I did :D

5k in 42:55. Lots of room for improvement and I have a month to make that improvement - yeah!!!

Paralysed by fear

After 4 days of doing very little I find myself overwhelmed by all the things I must catch up with.

I had my offer letter and pension forms today and I must read through, complete and return them asap. I also need to get a passport photo and visit the office with my id asap.

I have to go to the post office depot to collect this signed for item they have been too inept to deliver - though I have no idea what it is, certainly not something I have ordered.

I must arrange with the garage to get my car fixed this week and I'm waiting for a call back with a quote. Then I have to actually get it fixed.

I have to post my niece's birthday card.

I'm waiting for my sis to call for my passport info so she can officially put my name on the holiday which we are supposed to be going on in three weeks.

I need to get clothes sorted for my new job as well as clothes for the holiday.

I start work next week so I need to get my house in order before then and make sure I'm fully shopped and prepared to keep my weight loss on track.

I haven't run for over a week so I need to get my arse in gear and crank it back up - as soon as my chest is clear enough.  I have guilt about not doing this.

Looking over the list I feel the two crucial things for today are going to the post office and getting a passport photo and completing my forms.

So that begins with a shower and getting myself presentable. Good. A place to begin.

Update 6pm. Well my day skidded off the rails rather. I called the garage *tick* and they called me back whilst I was driving back from the post office *tick*. I couldn't answer the call unfortunately as my car chose that exact moment for the exhaust to fall off. Ironic no?

So I had to call breakdown and spend four hours divvying about waiting. Upside is that the exhaust is now fixed and on Wednesday the reverse light will be too. Downside is I haven't looked at my work stuff yet and I have eaten nothing but a pear today!

Sick sick sick and tired

I have a rotten cold. Sinuses hurt, ears hurt, bones aches. Doing nothing today but eating, sleeping and watching tv.

Had my porridge,  had a cup of tea now considering whether to go back to bed.

Update: 2am (next day)
Yeh I spent the day loafing, groaning and drinking water.  Tried to sleep a couple of hours ago but I'm just so hot and uncomfortable :( got some sudafed which helps the sinus pain a lot, but my ears are itchy and my throat feels like crap. Hopefully if I get some sleep tomorrow will be a better day.

Weigh in #3

I joined a new group on FB as I've been feeling lousy. It's called Morning Motivation and the people in it are just like me. Dealing with depression,  anxiety,  social phobia or chronic pain. We help motivate each other to do household tasks which can seem overwhelming. 

With the help of this group and facing my tasks with 'before' photos I did all of the washing up, put it away and cleaned the counters.  My kitchen looks fab (apart from the floor) its a great group.

Now I have to go to weigh in and I'm not feeling optimistic.  Still fighting a cold and feeling shivery and the weather is miserable.  Not sure if I will stay to group today. But will update you when I get back...

Update: Ok I lost 1lb which is not terribly impressive but its still one whole pound and 5 in total. It's disheartening when ppl post on FB - "yay I've lost a stone in 3 weeks!" But then I think how much longer their journey will be than mine because they must be so much heavier. I only ever lost 7lb in a week and that was by doing Dukan and will have been mostly water.

The point is I'm not disappointed.  I'm going to have to get used to the slow steady progress and if it continues this way I could lose 20lb by summer and reach target by xmas.

Blue

I feel really sad today. Pathetic.
Didn't wake up til 11.30. I feel obliged to do certain tasks but really I just want to eat junk food and hide in my bed :(

I've had a shower and put some washing in. If I get dressed and do some washing up I will EARN my lunch and then things will look better.  Right?

Update: 3pm
I did what I said and had a really nice 'normal' lunch but I still feel fed up and frustrated. I don't know why. Just feel so shitty.

Weekend doldrums

Yesterday I was up, dressed and out to the shop before lunch time but then I spent the rest of the day lounging on the sofa watching CM. It did not feel good.

Today I have flaked out on the opportunity to go to a spring craft fair/ festival in favour of staying in bed. What's that all about? Do I feel good? Nope.

I'm going to get up now and get breakfast.  Then...I dont know. The one thing on my list today is to do a workout on my arms.

Update : 18.10
I did my workout,  had breakfast and felt motivated enough to tidy up the floordrobe. Then I flaked out and now I am in bed feeling cruddy waiting for my dinner. Am getting a cold. My throat is scratchy and I feel really fed up. Boo.

Still sleepy

Hubby over slept this morning so I got up an hour early to take him. Then nipped to the petrol station and on to Boots where I got some cocoa butter for my increasingly loose skin - yuk.

I had breakfast - yoghurt and raspberries; and lunch - omelette with bacon and mushrooms, but I still feel unsatisfied. I'm drinking another glass of water and having a cigarette. Then I may attempt a wk 3 run before a lovely bath.

Every one of these things takes a push, but I'm doing it because I want to be healthy.

Update: 4pm. Just did my run. Including 2x 3 minute intervals!  Not much by some standards but for me that's quite a triumph and upped my speed to almost an 11 minute mile. IF I could sustain that pace it would make a very respectable 35 minutes for the 5k. Not sure I actually could sustain it, but we have to have goals do we not? :)

Eaten a big bowl of yoghurt and all bran (protein for my aching muscles) and now thinking a nice bath is in order before I start on dinner. Ahhh. This post run high is the best!!

Update: 8.45pm
Mr L called me at 6pm to say he was going out for drinks with his team - this is great as he usually avoids socialising with them. I'm happy he's going to have a treat. I made a vat of eyewateringly hot chilli and sw chips, followed by a hifi bar (rocky road style cereal bar with chocolate and marshmallows). I'm smoking my face off and debating whether I am tough enough to watch a paranormal horror movie by myself in the dark...probably not. :/

Feeling lovely and relaxed physically and mentally. Just have to stop myself from getting bored. Well painting my nails is a start I suppose.  And I do gave another four seasons of Criminal Minds to watch...

What the hell is wrong with me?

I'm dressed, I've been to the post office and bought food but now I'm sitting on my sofa again thinking ":( I can't be borhered to drink water,  can't be bothered to wash the pots :( :(, hungry but can't be bothered to cook..."

Honestly I piss myself off! Whiney, lazy, selfish,  unhelpful mind!! Get your arse up and do something.  You had great news yesterday,  why are you not happy?? Ungrateful brat.

Ok. The ONLY thing you must do today is get rid of that pile of washing up. Thus is your one mission. Now put on some music and just get it done!

Update: 2pm. I did a bit of cleaning and ate my lunch. I've signed up to rejoin my roller derby league in 2 weeks (which I am sooo excited about!), hopefully will start my new job in 2 and a half weeks and just maybe going on holiday in 4 weeks. Life is good! I have nothing to be sad about :)

Lighter

Weigh in last night was a success :) I lost 3lb this week, despite feeling cruddy and it being 'star week'. Really made me feel good!

Today I did the necessary trip to get my meds and then stock up on some fruit. It made me realise how much better I feel than a month ago when I was jittery and not sleeping. My worry now is that I have become lazy and slow and will struggle to go back to the daily grind of work.

I have given myself a few tasks today along with those already done, I must do my last session on c25k wk2, prep something to post out special delivery and get rid of the huge pile of washing up. I also want to prepare a nice healthy dinner and drink another two litres of water. I know it doesn't sound like much to most people but that is a lot of stuff for me and really I just want to lie on the sofa watching Criminal Minds.

I'm sure this is what lazy looks like. On the plus side I just ate a bunch of carrot sticks. This is the first time ever and they tasted pretty good! So come on woman - get hydrated and then get your trainers on!!

Update: 17.00.
Wow! My day got better! I got the job I interviewed for - what a nice surprise
:D

And whilst it comes from sad circumstances (my sister's relationship break up) it looks like I will be going on holiday to Greece in 4 weeks with her and the kids which will be lovely.

This week is turning out to be super so far! Now I just need my references to come back acceptable and I will be all set. So I had a run to celebrate and finished off week 2. Now just need to get my ass in gear for dinner and it's aaall good :))))

Weigh in #2

I was supposed to get up at 8 and call the docs as I have run out of my script. In fact I did wake up (with lots of help from hubby) and I did call three times. But then I fell back to sleep and woke up at 11.30.  Not good.

So it's been 4 days since I took my meds properly and this morning I got the weird withdrawal flashes which I can't describe but have heard other people refer to as 'brain zaps'. I also have digestive discomfort and womb cramps so not a good start to the day haha.

Still I had to get dressed and go to the shop for cat food and cigarettes, not to mention painkillers!  It's a beautiful warm sunny day and I dug out my trusty cropped stretch jeans. I remember wearing them on my hen night in 2007 and the muffin top was such that I had to wear a dress over the top. Today there is still muffin top but I can get away with a loose t-shirt so I feel quite good about that.

I am feeling a lack of energy and motivation. I have applications to complete, a mountain of washing up, errands to run, an actual run to run, doctors,  shopping, not to mention the unpacking and furniture building which is 6 months overdue - but it all seems a bit much today.  I will put it down to hormones and try not to worry that I feel blech.

A tried and true way to get the day going is breakfast so I'm going to hit my body with half a litre of water, a pear, then some yoghurt and all bran and I KNOW that things will start to get a little easier.

Bank Holiday #2

Urgh. It's 9am on Bank Hoilday Monday. I've had less than four hours sleep, but my evil body woke me up - wide wiiide awake.

Yesterday I felt lousy all day. Couldn't shake it. My stomach was so sore and my guts were burbling in an encouraging yet ultimately disappointing manner. I have a poo problem. Either can't go or just unpleasant when I do :/ anyway I felt sick and miserable and just wanted to sleep.

Hubby was all set to go out without me when a beautiful friend showed up like a forceful ray of sunshine and dragged me from under my blankie and made me go to the party.

No one has ever done that before and after I had a shower and got dressed it was amazing how much better I felt. Sure I was totally shamed when she came in and saw my sorry state but I guess that's what real friends do ;)

The party was very cool and we played computer games all night long - I even 'sang' on Singstar and played a football game!! And won!  It was really chilled and there wasn't too much naughty food - though I could have eaten an entire plate of the hostess's amazing brownies! OMG.

Despite drinking Pepsi Max and water for much of the night it was a long shindig and I did rack up 38 syns. I'd already saved 31 from my weekly allowance so I can stay on track but it's really amazing how quickly those bad boys mount up. And, as someone pointed out on a SW forum this morning,  how easy it was to put the weight on in the first place!

This morning I feel better.  My tummy is still gurgling and cramping but no relief in sight so I will just have to grin and bear it a little while longer. I don't see an impressive WI on the cards tomorrow but that's ok. It will come :)

Today will be about conforting food - maybe a roast? - snuggly blankets and movies.  Though the sun is shining and if Mr wakes up before mid afternoon I might try to coax him outside...

Bank holiday #1

My sister came to visit today. I got up earlier than I would like and cleaned the flat. We had a nice lunch and she chattered away all afternoon.

I did manage to get a run in. Day 2 of week 2 c25k. It's run 90 seconds walk 2 minutes x2. Sounds easy but for me it's a challenge.  One that I really enjoyed completing. I felt great afterwards :)

Then I made a really healthy pasta bake with salad and garlic bread for sis and hubby. I also watched as they nommed Doritos and sis drank a bottle of red wine. So jealous!

Tomorrow we have a party and I'm feeling grumpy and somewhat anxious about it. I have prepared myself with malibu and pepsi max and saved 20 syns for the evening (about 5-8 drinks). But I know there will be really bad food and drink will weaken my resolve :( I'm considering not drinking at all and then excusing myself to drive home around midnight but from experience I will feel on edge if I just drink caffeine all night...urgh tough choices. I should just think 'bugger it' and have a great time - but I want a good goddamn loss this week! But then if I deny myself and still dont lose I'll be frickin fuming.

Gah. Guess I'll see what tomorrow brings.

A day of rest?

I had planned to give myself a day off. A day where I have no schedule.  I don't have to do anything and can just sit and vegetate. But I realise that there are things I MUST do even on such a day.

My sister is coming to visit tomorrow and she is a clean freak. My flat is a disgrace and must be cleaned. I have also run out of a lot of the veg I need yo stay on SW properly so I must go shopping.  I have run out of meds so I must see my GP. I also need to go for a run if at all possible as my weekend is busy and I will likely have a hangover on Monday.  So boo! Lots to do :(

Still. It's almost 12pm now and I'm still not dressed so I can't really complain. Had my brekkie of berries and yoghurt. Had coffee and a couple of smokes. I may as well have a shower and get this show on the road. At the very least I must shop!

Update: 2.30pm
I went shopping and I'm so glad I did. I have posted a photo of the food because it is just so unlike me to buy healthy stuff and I don't think there is anything there to feel guilty about. Even if I ate the whole lot today!

Interview. Oh dear.

My interview today was at 11.30. I had intended to get up at 8 so I had plenty of time to prep.

Of course I woke up at 9.45. FUCK!
I panicked because I hate the rushing and I seriously considered not going. But I did make it and that is an achievement in itself.

It's in a lovely building only 10 minutes away and I have wanted to work there (in any capacity) for a long time. The interview went reasonably well. I have gine through much harder grillings. But I had an excercise to do before and I didn't finish it :(

Very disappointed with that. Any way we will see won't we?

I was also waiting to hear back from another job with a role for loads of dosh and they turned me down today. Ho hum. Not letting it get me down.

Exhausted

I fucked up today. Good and proper.
Feel exhausted. Been forcing myself every day to do stuff but this morning I didn't have the will. I needed more sleep.

And I felt 'can't be bothered' and 'what's the point' pulling me down. I don't want to do anything.

So I missed my therapy appointment coz I couldn't get out of bed. That's not good is it?

I'm feeling overwhelmed.  I have to prep for an interview tomorrow and go out fir dinner with Dan's fam tonight. I don't want to to any of it. I want to sit in my pjs and stare at the tv.

Update: 13.30. Here we are again and I really should have learned by now that things feel better as the day goes on! I took it very slow today. I lounged for an hour in self pity. Then I ate a pear, just to get started - I didn't want it you understand but somewhere deep down I knew I should.

I had a bath with lovely Lush products, then I got dressed and ate a bowl of non fat yoghurt and granola. I then felt ready to turn on the PC and read through the job spec for my interview tomorrow.  It's not too complicated.

Then I ran out of cigs so I had to go out (god bless cigarettes) and whilst I was at it I thought I would get ingredients for a broccoli quiche. It's beautiful outside!  The sun is shining,  it's warm and everyone seems cheerful.  Even the old misery in the shop :)

Now I feel much better. Not wonderful,  but much much better. I think I can do my interview prep soon and then get lunch. Then prepare to go out tonight.

See? Things look awful sometimes but you just have to put one foot in front of the other.  What's the worst that can happen? If you really can't handle it you can go back to your pjs and bed but at least you will have tried. Tomorrow you can try again.